Today, I’m having a lot of trouble trying to go back to work after having an Aphasic Event, a second tick bite that made me have worse ataxia, and chronic headaches that make it hard for myself to think. I feel, my Multiple Sclerosis symptoms are taking over my life, on a day like today. I think my Neurologist would understand me today, where my loved ones would not. I feel trapped in my body, where my hands are uncoordinated and I really want to be productive again.
I’m not the best patient, because I don’t like to slow down, but realize this is a bad day, symptom wise. It’s hard for folks to understand what I’m going through when they are feeling fine. MS is such a weird disease and is frustrating with flare-ups. My mother had the most severe form of this disease. My symptoms have gotten worse since this summer. I’m trying to forge ahead with my life, but other people I know, don’t understand this progression of disease.
It would be nice for folks to ask me how I’m feeling, but most people are too busy with their own lives. I would like their well wishes, but they are too involved with their own business. I could get upset for the lack of attention or self absorption, but everyone is on their own journey. That’s the nature of life. I already went through my mom being laughed at with MS, so I don’t want to be laughed at, but I guess, it’s my turn now. I don’t know a lot of people who stick with an MS patient. Only folks who really are invested in that person and love them. I feel alone, but I do love a few family members and will always love them, no matter what comes my way.
I do want to do some type of work again, such as paid volunteering. I’ve always loved to help people less fortunate than myself. There are still folks less fortunate than I, but now I need some extra help. I’m ok with accepting a helping hand once in awhile. I want to be independent, for as long as I can.
Currently, I’m working on my Disability claim with Social Security. It was hard to figure out, should I apply for Disability or SSI? I wasn’t sure, what the difference was? Some days like today, I really feel moderately disabled. Sometimes, mildly so. But I did feel, I had to apply for Disability since receiving a second tick bite this summer and someone injected into my calf muscle an unknown substance, while camping in Louisiana, that furthered my MS symptoms.
I don’t know why someone would break into my car and do this to me, but they did. I have folks who hate me for their own reasons. Whatever they are? I was also assaulted with a dwarf man hiding inside my mattress in a motel room, I rented this summer also. I was in bed when this man’s hand lifted up the mattress cover and touched mine. I don’t know exactly who he was, but he could be an actor on TLC, because I recognised his hand from television.
So why do weird assaults happen to me? If they happen to me, they can happen to anyone. Even in the bed I’m renting, I’ve felt someone moving underneath me, in the mattress below. It’s a scary and unusual event, when a person is hiding in a mattress beneath you. It’s a new way to assault someone, not a good decision when a camera is in a smoke detector in my rental bedroom. I don’t want anyone to hide from me in a mattress. If they are in there, I think they are criminals or have some break with reality? I think, this is a new way to commit assaults, robberies, and even murder? No wonder, I haven’t been sleeping well for weeks. Who would?