I was just listening to a radio talk show about how queer folks are perceived. Queer’s are different and walk a more lonely path. I am one and I should know. I was called queer by my mother when I was 15. Mom made me cry in front of my twin sister. At 15, I had my first girl crush on a senior, at my high school. My school’s size was small so everyone knew who that girl crush was and almost everyone ignored me. I never was invited to parties and no one wanted to sit next to me at lunch. Almost always, I walked home from school alone. I felt alone even in my own family. A few years earlier, I had started dressing like a boy, in boy clothes. Most of my friends were guys and I was just one of the guys! One time, my mom’s friend was wearing a shirt I liked and I asked if I could also have that man’s shirt in a blue stripe. Mom’s female friend didn’t want to get it for me, because it was a guy’s shirt. My mom Eleanor said, get it for her anyway! They bought it and I happily wore it out to see my friends.
When my dad was alive, my mom would wear his shirts, sometimes jeans, and probably his sweater/ jacket. She wanted to be close to him and liked his scent. When I was in my teens, I wore his Navy uniform once. My parents called me Little Al or Little Albert. I looked and acted a lot like my dad, Albert Leo Trueblood. Should I have been born a male? YES! But I wasn’t! I’m all female, with no male parts. But some folks have both parts. The Whole Thing. So what! That doesn’t bother me, a bit! Once I was asked in 2005, if I was going to change my sex, to become a male! I said yes, but I changed my mind, since that time.
I would love to become a sex therapist and discuss these issues with teens and younger adults. Heck, adults might want to talk to me too, about this!
There are a lot of drawbacks to being queer, gay, or lesbian. I prefer queer and gay, to lesbian. They just sound better to me. One big issue queers like me face, is murder or extermination. It’s not that different than the Holocaust with the Jews being eliminated from existence. I’m partly Jewish too. When I was 15, my life was threatened when A car tried to run into me, from behind, when I walked home from school. This happened while my friend Linda looked on. She stopped walking home with me, after that.
When I was in Maine, I wore my plaid shirt and clothes I liked. My hair was short and I didn’t wear make-up. I do like to look boyish, but I was wearing female clothes. Teachers and folks in AmeriCorps, thought I was too gay and decided to discriminate from having me volunteer with their students in one of the elementary schools, I was supposed to serve. It was my host site school, too! My supervisor laughed at me when I said, they weren’t using me at my host site school. She said, “Teachers will be teachers.” I didn’t think it was very funny and knew she was an art teacher too! She did not defend me, her volunteer! She told me she was Catholic, and I guess she didn’t like gay and queer folks? That must be her excuse for allowing sexual harassment and discrimination in the AmeriCorps workplace?
During AmeriCorps, two car accident attempts were made by other folks to end my life. I think someone wanted me dead, because I was gay? Maybe I wasn’t gay enough? Maybe someone thought I was a gay wannabee? Well I do love a woman, so that makes me a queer. Last year, I made an attempt to show I was queer by keeping my windowpane rainbow up longer than I would normally. I love the rainbow flag and did see one outside my host site school. I thought it might be welcoming me to Westbrook, Maine, because I was from California. I always followed the CA Gay movement, but never felt part of it before. I finally do now!