12 Feb

What does trust mean and how do I believe in folks, once my trust is broken with them? Trust means honesty, love, and being myself with others. I find it very difficult to trust most people, because I’ve been cheated on and lied to so many times. 

One time on Pinterest, someone was getting me to try and trust again. My daughter Sheila told me to go on Pinterest again, after my long absence from it. So I went on Pinterest and found people from my past there. One image I was sent was of the author Sylvia Plath dead with her head in an oven. That was incredibly disturbing that someone from my past, would choose that image to represent me. That deadly looking image should not even belong on Pinterest! It reminded me of my old boyfriend, Ted Powell, who said to me, that his old girlfriend had put her head in an oven to commit suicide. 

So who do I trust? I trust myself only. I want to believe other folks are trustworthy, but everyone walks their own pathway in life. Mine was covered in slate flagstone once, my mother, Eleanor T. Trueblood’s old house on Ward Street in Holland Patent, New York. That was the village where I was an attempted rape victim, by a childhood friend named, Richard Jones. He looked innocent and cute, until he sat on me and tried to get my blue jeans undone. I could have hurt him physically, but I was telling him to stop repeatedly and asking him to get off of me. 

I was a pre-pubescent girl and he was younger than me. Before this attempted rape of myself, he molested my friend’s sister in front of myself and my friends. So these are all reasons I am super stressed, do not trust anyone, have  

PTSD, and fear for my life. Just recanting a true story has brought death threats to myself. When I was in AmeriCorps, I received death threats on a school department You tube account and on my ipad mini refurbished, when I moved back to California. 

I don’t know why people have been trying to kill me all my life or leave me in chronic headache or in pain? It could be, because of my ancestry, my father’s death (Albert Leo Trueblood), or they thought and do support gay people? I do support gay people and even call myself gay! I have a female lover whom I adore and hope she sticks it out with me! She could treated royally, as she should! I think, she could be related to the IKEA CEO and a relative of Queen Christina of Sweden? 

Whatever, she is really funny, this love and special person of mine. We share a love of the show SNL, and the great comedians and muscians that appear on that show! I do believe I trust my love. I hope she lives up to that trust! 

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Posted by on February 12, 2017 in Uncategorized


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