I woke up thinking about all the times my marriage partner used sex as a way to control me for my being smart, independent, and not being who he wanted me to be. His form of control, was punishment that wasn’t going to show.
I’m talking about hard sex or painful sex. At first, I thought it was fun, then it became too physically painful. I thought this isn’t love! I don’t want my marriage to be like this. So I withdrew and looked elsewhere for
Nonsexual friends. That didn’t workout, so then I was alone in my marriage. My OB GYN knew how hurt my cervix was. He removed a polyp from it, once. He also treated myself and my spouse for an STD, during marriage. I knew I had only one real sex partner, ever, but my marriage partner had many.
So that was what I learned about sex and control. It doesn’t just happen in marriage either. It happens in all intimate partnerships. I’ve only had the marriage kind. But, if I have any other kind, I really want it to be loving, not punishing.